Changes
by ShiversTheNinja
Summary: Three important changes in Mac and Charlie's lives.


The first time everything changed for them, they were 15 and it was a dare.

They didn't want to, but, like, you don't chicken out of a dare, you know? Don't be a pussy. Plus the two girls they'd been eyeing all night were cheering them on to just _do it, do it, do it. _It's not like they got invited to parties often, and even less often did they manage to get any attention from chicks.

So they did it. They kissed. Not for very long, of course - wouldn't want it to seem like they were into it - but they lingered a moment longer than they probably should have. From across the room, the girls clapped and whispered and giggled. Almost like they were getting off on it. Fucking weird.

The girls didn't talk to them for the rest of the night, and Charlie couldn't get it off of his mind - how pointless it had been to go through with it, that is. Yeah. That's what he was thinking about. Definitely.

Not about the way his stomach did a somersault when Mac kissed him, and how he'd been feeling kinda weird ever since. Not about how a kiss had never felt like that for him.

Later that night in his basement, they were sprawled across the couch and huffing shitty cheap glue as usual. Charlie took a bigger hit than he meant to and finally lost all the self-control he'd been using to keep his mouth shut since they got back.

"Um, Mac," he started awkwardly.

"Yeah, what?" Mac seemed almost annoyed to be knocked out of whatever had been going through his own mind.

"Hey, man, I can't... I can't stop thinking about what happened earlier."

"What, that goose we saw carrying a He-Man lunch box on the walk home? Yeah, that was awesome."

Charlie sighed. "No, man. At the party." Mac deflated instantly.

"Oh. I was... I was thinking maybe we _don't_ talk about that?"

"No, dude, please just listen. I know you felt it, too."

"Felt what?" Mac asked unconvincingly. That definitely wasn't what he'd been thinking about since then, either.

Charlie gulped. "That weird thing. The thing where you feel like your stomach is melting and your brain rolls over in its grave."

Mac didn't have the mental capacity to react to Charlie's weird mixed metaphors _in addition _to this confession. He wasn't sure how to respond. He'd been trying to mentally prepare for this possibility all night, but everything he'd planned in his head was completely gone from his mind as soon as Charlie had said that.

"I, uh- I don't- I didn't- um." He lost his grip even harder as Charlie scooted closer to him, and he was now unable to form sentences. Shit.

Charlie looked at him wide-eyed, curious, too close for comfort. "Can we try it again?"

Mac finally snapped back to reality. "No, dude, that's gay!"

Charlie sank. "I'm not gonna tell anyone."

"God will know!"

"Dude, don't you think God wouldn't have let it happen in the first place if He actually gave a shit?"

Mac was too fucked up to refute that. It was a decent point.

And so they kissed again. And again. And again.

Eventually they lost count.

* * *

The second time everything changed for Mac and Charlie, they were 25.

They'd had this sort of unspoken... thing ever since that night ten years ago. Not that they hadn't talked about it at all, but they'd basically agreed it wasn't a gay thing, it was a we're best friends who love each other thing, they were just messing around, and no one needed to know.

Despite these pretenses, Mac's good old Catholic guilt had been pulling at him about the situation the entire time. It didn't matter how much he tried to rationalize it. He was doing gay things and he was going to hell for it.

So one day when Charlie pulled him into the back office for some one-on-one time, he finally decided he'd had enough.

"No."

"Aw, come on, dude, I'm bored and it'd be fun..."

"Charlie."

Mac's tone of voice stopped Charlie's train of thought dead in its tracks. His heart sank.

"We can't do this anymore, man."

Charlie did his best to hide the pain he was feeling. He didn't do a very good job, reaching out and desperately gripping Mac's wrist. "Why not?"

"Because... we're not kids anymore, Charlie. We can't be doing this kind of shit." It was a weak excuse but it was all he could come up with to try and spare Charlie's feelings.

It didn't work.

Charlie let go of Mac's wrist, unable to look him in the eye anymore. His expression grew dark and somber. "Yeah. Okay. Whatever."

Mac walked out of the office, his gut tangled in knots.

Charlie quickly scrambled up into the vents. He spent the rest of the day in his Bad Room.

Mac did all the Charlie Work. It was the least he could do.

* * *

The third time everything changed, Mac and Charlie were 42, and Mac had just come out to his dad.

It hadn't gone well. He felt like he'd just lost everything. He had nothing _to_ lose.

So he ran to Charlie's apartment, knocked on the door, shoved his way in once Charlie opened it, pushed him up against the wall, and kissed him for the first time in 17 years.

Charlie pulled away, wild-eyed and incredulous. "The fuck did that come from?"

Mac's face scrunched up as he tried not to get teary again. He'd already been doing enough of that. "I'm an idiot, Charlie. I'm sorry."

"Huh? You don't gotta apologize for kissing me, I mean..." Charlie grinned. "It's not like it's the first time you've done that."

Mac let out a small snort of amusement before returning back to his point. "No, I mean. I fucked up. I shouldn't have broken up with you."

"You didn't break up with me. We weren't dating." Charlie had convinced himself of that a very long time ago, or at least tried to. He had to in order to move on.

Mac reached up and cupped Charlie's face. "Christ, dude, of course we were, I was just being a selfish asshole about it. So I'm sorry."

Charlie looked to the side, overcome with emotion. "Thanks, dude. But seriously, where's this coming from? It's been like 20 years."

"I just..." Mac sighed, not wanting to get into it. "I realized you're all I need. I love you, Charlie."

Charlie's heart did a flip. "You mean it, man?"

"Of course I do, I wouldn't say it if I didn't."

Charlie lunged forward, kissing Mac passionately before pulling away briefly to whisper "I love you, too."


End file.
